SUMMER FLING
The summer morning whispers, as I turn to see your face
Your smile is soft and gentle, like loves unfailling grace
I’ve known you for forever, even though it’s been three days
And having no authority, i still ask you to stay
You hold my hand and promise, that you will return
But the truth is clear as ashes, let’s let this romance burn
Yesterday i was sitting on my bed, skecthing for fun when i decided to draw a self portrait. I started drawing the outline of my face, and then suddenly stopped. I couldn’t draw anything else; i wasn’t sure how much my eyes slanted, or of the exact shape of my lips… if i kept on drawing i would have ended up drawing a stranger.
It is a strange thing, you would think after looking at yourself in the mirror for over 20 years, you would know for sure exactly how you look like… but it really is hard to remember every little detail of your face.
This made me realize that if someone came to me and asked me who i was, the same thing would happen, i would be able to give them an outline but filling in the details would be a challenge. Maybe it is because we are ever changing, evergrowing. Sometimes it feels like when i am getting used to being one way, something happends in my life that teaches me different.
It’s not a bad thing… just knowing the outline of who you are, because at least with outlines you have boundaries, you have a guideline of the person you want to be. The details can always be figured out later.
(Source: rock-life-morphine, via butterfliesvheadaches)
I am not perfect. I get sick, i get angry, i lie. Sometimes I say things i don’t mean, most times i mean things i don’t say. I cry over little things, and say i’m fine over things that matter. I believe in love, yes the crazy once in a lifetime love. I’m irrational. I assume the people i love know i love them, while show overwhelming kindness to those who don’t deserve it. I hope, i dream… sometimes to much; reality isn’t my thing. I say i will do something, and then i don’t do it. I change my mind quickly, I’m indecisive.
At the end of the day, I mean no harm- I can’t be anyone else. I’m evolving.
So This time last week i was passed out in my bed, having drank too many glasses of wine at some Trend forecasting seminar (which sounded interesting before the talks started) .
I get out of bed, and find my apartment empty; my roommate and friends no where to be seen and then i feel something strange on my left hand. You will probably be as surprised as i was to realize that i had an earing in the web of my hand. Somehow between discussing a new piercing and intoxication my mind failed me and i thought it was a good idea to remove the stud from my ear and shove it into my hand.
Oh how i love myself sometimes. I thought about taking it out, and i almost did, but something about it was charming, but mostly completely insane. After washing my new piercing i went back to bed wondering how many other people could say they happily stabbed their hands.
Now it is healing well and even though this is still probably not the brightest idea i had, it is in a way a celebration of my youth, and the fact that the man who is going to propose to me will be looking at a hand with a hole, and thinking that he is fine marrying a woman who is mentally unstable :P
Lesson #10- Love is Love
Yesterday my mom said something that got me thinking, she said “if you truly love someone you cant help but see them as perfection”. This was the response she gave me after asking her if she thought I was weird.
I sat and thought about what she said, I thought what a blessing it was that that’s how she viewed me, and I also thought that is how people in relationships should love eachother too.
So often girls settle for guys because they are cute, or popular, or buy them stuff, or just happen to be available, not knowing the reward of having someone who truly values them. As an idealist and compulsive optimist I think everyone deserves to be looked at as perfection, deserves the type of love that doesnt hide your flaws, but turns them into something desirable, or charming, or unique.
So often i hear people my age just accept that hurt, and deciept are a part of being in love, but seriously, pain is pain, desperation is desperation; love (not lust, not infactuation), if true, simply is love.
A lesson, however straight forward, i had been living without till now.
(image: http://browse.deviantart.com/?qh=§ion=&q=love#/dwjst8)
i dont trust you
you dont trust me
we are both heartbreakers
and no one wants to leave
we fight more than make up
we are consumed by our pride
its always a competition
and someone ends up crying
it feels like more pain than love
and you can’t stop lying
the only thing thats right
is the fact that this is wrong
i better listen to my mind
and move the hell on
Lesson #9- It’s never that serious
So many times i have thought to myself “oh heaven, that was the most embarassing moment of my life”, just to have another most embarassing moment. As long as you are alive, it’s not that serious, it is important (no matter how crazy this sounds) to be able to laugh a little at our pain and misfortune. There will always be another bad day, another life crisis, another heartbreak; as long as you wake up in the morning you know you just have to keep on swimming.
Lesson #8- Friends, we need them
I’m not talking about the friends that you have on facebook and your party people, i’m talking about the person who sees you smiling and pulls you aside later to ask if you’re ok because they saw through the smile. We cannot go through life by ourselves, the friends we have are the family we choose; helping us without judging our mistakes, the first to want to pop a bottle when we succeed, and there to go to the gym with you when your “serious” about losing weight (for like the 50th time). Pray for your friends, God will give you amazing ones.
Lesson #7 The only person you can save is yourself
People let you down. It’s life, and it sucks. There comes a point however that no matter how much you care about someone, you can’t keep on making excuses for their actions, it is never alright to sacrifice your own happiness just because you believe that you can “fix” a person. No one is a human mechanic, the only person you can work on is yourself. Let it go, stop trying to be a hero, and let them be; unfortunately people only change when they want to, not when you want them to.
I think it’s because you never said goodbye. I think that’s the problem. I wasn’t prepared, i didn’t get a warning that I was about to be forced to let you go.
I was left with nothing. If I knew that was the last time I was going to hold you, maybe I would have held on for a bit longer. If I knew that was the last time I was going to fall asleep in your arms, I would have never woken up. And If i knew that was the last time I would ever look into your eyes, i would have prayed to God that I would have that vision in my mind forever.
But now, the little memory I have from the time I took for granted is starting to fade. The image of you is fading, but the feeling stays the same. That’s the most frustrating part, the more i seem to forget you, the more i miss you.
#5: FAITH… have a little
Even if it will take the last ounce of strength you have in you, if you let go of your faith, you let go of a reason to wake up in the morning. It always gets better, even if it gets worse first. 2012… i wont stop being positive.
#4: “There is no time to maintain regrets”
One thing i need to keep telling myself this year is just get over it.
I cant wish that i had changed something in the past because that would mean i would be different presently.
Time. We don’t have plenty of it, so use it wisely.
We are all souls going about, hopefully minding our own business trying to survive life. We have thoughts, opinions, passions and interests. These are just a few of mine. There is no order, no pattern, no technique...
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